Welcome back to the Gossip grind, everyone, and Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Too bad some luck o’ the Irish couldn’t rub off on Blair this week… and that her downward spiral of depressive doom happened to occur out on stage in front of all her Constance peers, parents, and professors. As GG herself reminded us last night during “The Age of Dissonance,” all the Upper East Side is a stage already, so it is only fitting that the Constance and St. Jude’s seniors put on as their senior play a high-society Wharton drama with plenty of romance and revenge. But they couldn’t pretend to live in “The Age of Innocence” for long, and without instilling some of their own drama, so the play soon because a means for Nate, Blair, and Serena to air out their modern teenage angst all over the Victorian era. Backstage, affairs were even more outrageously theatrical, with Chuck chasing down his dream-nanny turned runaway, and Dan getting even hotter for teacher. Nate got jealous, Serena was crush-struck, and Blair took refuge in the arms of a rat.
Just like Wharton's work, it wasn't really the action, but the relationships that drove last night's Gossip Girl, and that keep us on the edge of our spectator seats each Monday. The web of romance became even more tangled last night. So, as we return to Act Two, let's speculate: will it be a tragic or a comic ending for our many pairs of star-cross'd socialites? Check out the hookups that were, are, or will be before the final curtain falls on Season Two—including some that should never have taken the stage in the first place.
Warning: Spoilers Ahead.
In order from most to least gag-worthy:
- Chuck and the Call Girl from “Elle”: This storyline was absurd and out-of-character beyond belief, and downright offensive to us Bass-buffs, who know: 1. Chuck Bass pleads to no man, 2. Chuck Bass should know when he’s getting played for money, 3. Even if she is pretty, Chuck Bass wouldn’t be intrigued by a woman with the personality of a used stick of gum. Should we blame the actress, Kate French, who is simply more suited to roles where she doesn’t open her mouth (her more credits include “Cute Captain” and “Glen’s Party Girl” in two frat-duder flicks), or the horrendously unrealistic situation and dialogue? “How do you feel about Brazil?” Really, Chuck? Everything about this was off, from the perfectly-coifed Elle saying she hadn’t bathed in weeks, to Chuck believing he could ever “start over” with her in Rio and not be bored out of his wits—No. Just. NO. Wake up, Chuck. And bye, Elle. You’re more boring than Jenny on a school night.
- Serena and “Gay as the Day is Long” Julian: Even though it’s totally plausible and sort of dumb-blonde-endearing that Serena didn’t catch that the scarf-flourishing, Nate-eyeballing, “Text me your address” DRAMA teacher was gay, did he really need to be such a douchenozzle? …I guess he did. But I want to believe that Serena isn’t so desperate to get someone diving into her ever-plunging neckline that she’ll plot and preen (see what I did there? She was in feathers ALL night.) so shamelessly. C’mon, S—that also stands for self-respect.
- Dan and Rachel “Iowa Big Apology to Everyone” Carr: Don’t you just love how things fall apart as quickly as they begin? I do—at least when half the equation is as doe-eyed and dimwitted as this woman. At first I was rooting for the ment-whore to bring out Dan’s true bad boy self, but all the way through, from his whiny “I’m 18 and I can do what I want!” speech, to his discovery that a cradle-robbing teacher lacked his “high ideals”—Dan was so high up on his horse that he was giving out weather reports. In real life we might want the “they deserve each other” couple to stay together, but not when that means we have to watch them do it in a costume closet. (And send clandestine notes like middle school sweethearts. Heard of a text, Humphrey?)
- Nate and Vanessa: Thank you to the writers, who finally gave these two something interesting to talk about—the fact that they have nothing in common. They may seem sweet together, but apparently underneath the surface it’s all tension and turmoil because Nate can’t appreciate classic literature and Vanessa hates fun. It’s a situation taken straight out of that book, what’s it called? Oh yeah. “Men are from Mars, Women are from Annoying Pretentious Asshat Land.” These two are on the outs. We not only know this because we have brains and eyes and ears enough to see that one big fight equals romance death sentence on Gossip Girl, but the CW has already released promo stills of both of them exercising their tongues in different mouths.
- Dan and Serena: They were already over (for the… fourth time?), but last night wrapped the heavy-duty chains around the nailed-shut coffin that contains “Derena.” (We hope.) Serena’s most passionate emotion about working with Dan in the play was “Meh. At least that other brooding guy is hot!” and Dan reinforced her decision to not care when he told all her secrets to his older-lady-lover for… no good reason whatsoever. I’m betting after that fiasco that Dan stays celibate until the fall, but Serena on the other hand…
- Blair and Carter : It hasn’t happened yet, but it’s going to. And this can go nowhere good. Carter’s a snake (albeit a hot one, and so much fun when you remember he’s Leighton’s real-life lover). But the only function of Carter “such an obvious Chuck Bass foil they share the same initials” Baizen is to provide a dramatic roadblock before our meant-for-each-other mean kids get back together.
- Blair and Nate: Same thing. Stephanie Schwartz has already said that their upcoming fling will be about comfort, and that we’ll be surprised by how much it doesn’t suck (at first). I’m willing to put up with it, if only because judging from more and more paparazzi pics leaking from the set, Blair’s lips will hook a Bass before the season’s over.
- Chuck and Vanessa: Promo stills don’t lie. But we just saw Chuck coming to his senses over his love for Blair, and a kiss can mean more than meets the eye. The only way this pairing makes sense is if there’s a ploy behind it. Ideally, to get Blair back.
- Serena and Gabriel: Serena will soon be shacking up with ex-gal pal Poppy’s boyfriend, and it won’t end well (because nothing with Ms. van der Woodsen ever does). We haven’t met him yet, but we already know he is dashing and deceptive. At least he’s not a brooding artist, though, right? Let this be the last straw for Serena, who finally realizes that the best boyfriends have backbones.
Read the Recap: Episode 2.18 "The Age of Dissonance" (Page 1/3)
If you've seen the last episode of Gossip Girl, it looks like Blair (Leighton Meester) and Chuck (Ed Westwick) have both reached brand new lows, Blair slowly coming to terms with not going to Yale and Chuck reeling from being rejected by Elle.
After pictures of Blair kissing Chuck flooded the net yesterday, E! Online now reports that Meester was also seen in the same outfit and the same afternoon kissing a different co-star – Chace Crawford, who plays Nate. Some critics described the event as a stunt to throw off Gossip Girl viewers.
Spoiler ahead:
Publicity stunt or not, a source has confirmed to E! Online that Blair does kiss both Chuck and Nate at some point in the last couple of episodes of the season. Chuck, in fact, will be cozying up to Blair as early as the next episode.
As far as the Blair-Chuck-Nate love triangle, Gossip Girl top gun Josh Schwartz says that it is indeed a big part of the storyline.
"It's graduation, so it's all about what is the future for these characters and the show? Where's everyone going to be next year? Chuck, Blair and Nate are obviously a big story we're telling," he says.
From the looks of it, however, Meester's real-life boyfriend Sebastian Stan will enter the scene as Carter Baizen, whom Blair will hook up with. Then again, Blair will also hook up with Nate and Chuck, and the showrunners promise that the much frowned upon Nate-Blair reunion will not suck as some fans think it would.
Monday night, Gossip Girl made a theatrical debut after a six week hiatus, setting up all the backstabbing intrigue that will take us through spring, with a modernized jaunt back in time to Edith Wharton's "Age of Innocence." The troubled Constance and St. Jude's seniors put it on their senior play, and couldn't help injecting the drama with their signature soliloquies of upper-class agony. And whose agony could rival poor Blair Waldorf's? We finally saw the fall-out of Blair's "black ops" mission against Miss Carr: her acceptance to Yale was revoked, her secrets were blasted all over Gossip Girl, and the cold, hard truth was shoved in her face that her life isn't perfect, and her peers aren't jealous or sympathetic. They hate her.
Now the CW has released promos for the next episode, "The Grandfather," which will finally bring to light a situation that us spoiler-seekers have known for weeks was in the works: Nate and Blair, at it again. And not just any Blair--this is bad Blair. And not just the regular bad Blair--this is my-dreams-are-crushed-because-I'm-not-going-to-Yale-and-everyone-hates-me